Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Centipede’s Errand

    An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.

    The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you — I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.

    Ten minutes pass… then twenty minutes, then thirty, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.

    The ant asks, “Hey man, what’s taking you so long?”

    The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes.”

  • You Must Be Single

    Today I bought two bananas, an apple, and a pack of cigarettes. The cashier looked at me and said, “You must be single, huh?” And I’m like, “How do you know that?”

    She said, “Because you’re ugly.”

  • Fish Swim in Schools

    Fish Swim in Schools

    WHEN AMERICANS DISCOVER FISH SWIM IN SCHOOLS

    GIF

  • Here Comes Trouble

    Here Comes Trouble

    Dad one sees dad two:

    “oh no! here comes trouble!”

    Dad two: “oh boy they let you out of the house?!”

    Dads:

  • Too Much Sex Memory Loss

    Too Much Sex Memory Loss

    “Having too much sex can cause memory loss.” I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm.

  • Nose Grazes the Butt-Clit

    Nose Grazes the Butt-Clit

    When she’s slurping your meat from behind and her nose grazes your butt-clit ever so gently

    I’m gonna squirt!

  • New Look Same Coconuts

    New Look Same Coconuts

    When you shave your balls

    NEW LOOK SAME COCONUTS

  • Cookie Monster Wasting Cookies

    Cookie Monster Wasting Cookies

    rob elliott @rockymomax

    The amount of cookies I’ve watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick

  • Love Shaq

    Love Shaq

    “I can’t end my messages with ‘Love, Shaq’, because the B-52s ruined that for me”

    ~ Shaquille O’Neal