The amount of cookies I’ve watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
-
Mellencamp
When the dump is so big you accidentally give yourself a Mellencamp
mellencamp
To take a dump so large that the prostate is stimulated and the male ejaculates a little while taking the shit. Called a mellencamp because “it hurts so good.”
-
Loggins Attempts
I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing “Danger Zone” five times.
Apparently, I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.
-
The Hyperbole
While the Super Bowl has about seventy thousand attendees each year, the hyperbole has at least a bajillion.
-
Americans Right About Miles
Water ← 1 mile
Water 1 kilometer →
Americans 2 Sep at 12:05
But the Americans are right. A mile is less then a kilometre. (1 mile = 1,6 Kilometre)
boredpanda.com
-
Elephant Wisdom
Why are elephants so wise?
It comes with getting long in the tooth.
-
The Genie’s Wish
A father, mother and child are sitting down to dinner. The boy sees a strange-looking lamp in the middle of the table. He reaches over and rubs the side of it playfully.
A genie appears suddenly. The boy asks, “Are you a genie like in Aladdin?”
“I can grant each of you one wish. You can choose one thing and you will have a lifetime supply. You just go to where that thing is, show me, and voilà! It’s yours for life.”
The mom runs to the car excited and says, “I want a lifetime supply of wine!” The boy screams, “I want a lifetime supply of candy!” The mom then realizes the dad is pulling out in their other car. The mom yells, “Where are you going?”
The dad yells back, “The strip club!”
-
Jesus Is Bigger Than COVID-19
Radio Star
Video
JESUS Is Bigger Than tOVID-19
JESUS Is Bigger Than OVID-19
-
Happy Meal for Grown Ups
IF THEY MADE A HAPPY MEAL
BAREFOOT SWEET RED CALIFORNIA RED WINE BLEND
Babybel
GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK SEA SALT SOIREE ALMOND
FOR GROWN UPS.
