Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

Hey girl, these flowers are my way of saying, “There was a guy selling flowers at a

Hey girl, these flowers are my way of saying, “There was a guy selling flowers at a stoplight and I thought I could get laid for ten bucks.” /@rmfnord
I think the ugly chick behind me just farted.

I think the ugly chick behind me just farted. At least that’s what I told the hot chick in front of me.
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve wanted to look like a rock star.

Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve wanted to look like a rock star. And the older I get, the more I look like the rock stars I grew up listening to.
I don’t think I’ll get that promotion after all.

I don’t think I’ll get that promotion after all. During my annual performance review, my boss spent most of the time beating me on the head with a yachting cap like the Skipper did Gilligan.
Question authority -– but use enhanced interrogation techniques only as a last resort.

Question authority -– but use enhanced interrogation techniques only as a last resort.
There’s nothing more embarrassing than having finished a huge brain dump at work, then

There’s nothing more embarrassing than having finished a huge brain dump at work, then having someone in the break- room point out you still have a piece of spreadsheet stuck to your ear.
This barista is so steaming and so hot she’s almost like a…

This barista is so steaming and so hot she’s almost like a… like a… Dammit! I suck at metaphor. /@b0nrmunky
I just had a great idea: the no-party surprise party!

I just had a great idea: the no-party surprise party! You get a bunch of people together at a friend’s house, turn the lights off, and hide. When they come home, you scare the bejeezus out them, then leave! Also, I guess you could leave them a cake or something to kind of make up for being jerks.
Girl, you must be a McCafe mocha cuz you looked better in the ad, you’re not worth what

Girl, you must be a McCafe mocha cuz you looked better in the ad, you’re not worth what I paid, and afterward I’ll be nauseous and full of regret. /@rmfnord
You’ll never guess what I killed in my bathroom this morning: virtually every living

You’ll never guess what I killed in my bathroom this morning: virtually every living thing within 20 feet.