One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

If Your Girlfriend Starts Smoking

If your girlfriend starts smoking….

…slow down, and use a lubricant.

Why doesn’t Jesus drink?

Because the last time he got hammered, it took him 3 days to recover.

What’s the difference between a crab with breast implants and a transportation terminal?

One’s a crusty bus station.

What’s the difference between a magician’s wand and a policeman’s taser?

The magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.

My dad said, “Son, if you masturbate too much you’ll go blind.”

And I was like, “Dad, I’m over here.”

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the window.

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

The national committee of tailors has issued a warning about making clothes for nuns.

Apparently, it’s habit forming.

As I grow older I find I am more interested in the hereafter.

I’ll be standing in the kitchen going “now, what did I come in here after?”

Why is the Bible like a penis?

You get it forced down your throat by a priest.