Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Kenya Believe It

    My wife left me because I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa.

    Kenya believe it?!

  • Words Cannot Describe How Much This Bugs Me

    I keep forgetting the difference between etymology and entomology…

    …and words cannot describe how much this bugs me.

  • For Drinking

    A drunk guy wakes up in jail and says, “Why am I here officer?”

    “For drinking,” replies the cop.

    “Great,” says the man. “When do we start?”

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  • Great Man Terrible Lifeguard

    My dad used to tell me that you can’t save anyone; they have to save themselves.

    Great man. Terrible lifeguard.

  • Seeing Someone on the Side

    My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl until he found out she was seeing someone on the side.

  • On the One Hand But On the Other

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

  • Nearly Met Jesus

    Hiking in your 70s is a great way to meet people.

    Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist… and nearly met Jesus!

  • Tooth Hurty AM

    Dentist: “You need to—”

    Me: “I need to floss more.”

    Dentist: “No, you need to get out of my house. It’s 2:30 a.m.”

    Me…

    Dentist…

    Me: [muffled behind ski mask] “Tooth hurty a.m.”

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