Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • I’d Like a Burger and Fries Please

    A blonde walks into a library…

    …and then says to the librarian, “Hi, I’d like a burger and fries please.”

    **Librarian:** Ma’am, this is a library.

    **Blonde:** Oh, sorry. (Whispering) “I’d like a burger and fries please.”

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  • I Could See Myself Working There

    They’re building a mirror factory in my town.

    I could see myself working there.

  • Taking Steps to Avoid Them

    I’m scared of elevators…

    So I’m taking steps to avoid them.

  • Now She Wants to Break Three

    My daughter broke two of my Freddie Mercury records.

    Now she wants to break three.

  • Brunette Jokes

    What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
    A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
    Brown-bagging it.

    What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    No one else wants it.

    Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.

    What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    Invisible.

    What’s a brunette’s mating call?
    “Has the blonde left yet?”

    Why didn’t Indians scalp brunettes?
    The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.

    Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
    When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

    What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    The invitation.

    What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A hostage.

    Who makes bras for brunettes?
    Fisher-Price.

    Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    It matches their mustache.

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  • It Hurts When They Boil Their Nipples

    Why don’t blondes like to breastfeed their children?

    Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

  • How Does a Blonde Hold Her Liquor

    How does a blonde hold her liquor?

    By the ears.

  • I Seriously Doubt My Mom Would Go for It

    I don’t think I could ever be “born again,” like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don’t remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.

  • Your Chance of Getting Hit by Lightning

    It’s silly to worry about storms.

    Your chance of getting hit by lightning is exactly the same as your chance of getting hit by lightning.