Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Worst Thing About Being an Atheist

    What’s the worst thing about being an atheist?

    You have nobody to talk to when you’re having an orgasm.

  • I’m Dreading It

    I’m not a hairdresser, but a friend of mine asked me to do their hair like a Rastafarian.

    I’m dreading it.

  • A MILF Shake

    What’s the term for getting a handjob from a single mom?

    A MILF shake.

  • OJ Simpson Wanted to Move to West Virginia

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

    Everyone has the same DNA.

  • How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M&M.

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

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  • I Still Have Mine

    Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”

    Johnny’s father replied, “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”

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  • My Step Ladder

    I have a step ladder.

    I lost my real ladder at a young age.

  • My Big Electric Bill

    The other day, a homeless man asked me for a dollar.

    I told him that I only carry big bills. He asked me for one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.

  • Better Get a Model That Gets Better Mileage

    Little Johnny catches his parents shagging one afternoon. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.”

    Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”

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  • Too Weak Notice

    I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

    I just handed in my too weak notice.