Joke Type: political

Political jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Top 16 Election Day Cocktails

    The Top 16 Election Day Cocktails

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    16. Mudslinger

    15. Non-Consensual Sex on the Beach

    14. Pina Clintada: coconut, pineapple, and $250K for access to the bartender

    13. Orange Whine Cooler

    12. The Jill Beer Stein: a “germ”-in beer stein filled with penicillin

    11. Slow Uncomfortable Grope Against the Wall

    10. Mai-Tais to Wall Street

    9. The Greatest: just toilet water, but believe me, everyone is saying it will be beautiful, the best cocktail you ever tasted

    8. BenghaZima

    7. The Gary Johnson: you’ll forget your troubles, foreign leaders, war zones…

    6. Margarita (that Mexico will pay for!)

    5. The Campaign Promise: an empty glass

    4. White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation

    3. Bloody Megyn

    2. Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters

    And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…

    1. Pervy Wallbuilder

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  • Ask Your Doctor If Republican Is Right For You

    Ask Your Doctor If Republican Is Right For You

  • Blacks For Trump Signs

    Blacks For Trump Signs

    BLACKS FOR TRUMP

    LAZY FUCKS, CAN’T EVEN HOLD UP THEIR OWN SIGNS

  • Trump Shakira Hot

    Trump Shakira Hot

    Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

    That Shakira is hot. If only they all looked like that. Open borders baby.

  • Check and Chuck

    The FDA announced today the approval of a new birth control product. The package combines an Early Pregnancy Test kit (or EPT) with the new French abortion pill, RU-486.

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    The product will be marketed by Dow Chemical under the shelf name of “Check and Chuck!!”

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  • Fuck Like The Government

    Fuck Like The Government

    I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like The government.

  • Republican Replacement Obamacare

    Republican Replacement Obamacare

    Say what you will about Donald Trump, but injecting bleach and shining sunlight up our butts is the most detailed Republican replacement for Obamacare I’ve heard so far.

  • Florida Decide Presidency

    Florida Decide Presidency

    We’re going to let you decide the presidency

    Florida:

  • The KGB Rabbit

    The CIA, MI6, and KGB decide to have a competition to decide once and for all who are the best intelligence agency.

    They meet on an island in the Pacific and release a rabbit into the forest, and then one by one each of them has to see how long it takes them to catch it.

    The CIA goes into the forest first. They place the most sensitive listening equipment every few dozen meters. They scan the forest with satellites and analyze the images with AI. They pay the birds and mice to be informants. After four weeks, they write a report saying the rabbit does not exist and has never existed.

    The MI6 team goes into the forest. After a couple days with no leads they make a pot of tea and argue about cricket for a week, and then return and declare the rabbit must have escaped to another island.

    The KGB goes into the forest. Two hours later they return with a bear covered with bruises and two black eyes saying: “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, my family are all rabbits, and everyone I know is a rabbit!”

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