Joke Type: pun

Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Eats Shoots and Leaves

    A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”

    Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.

    She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.

    The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.

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  • Oral Sex Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • Above Knee

    Above Knee

  • Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium?

    Na.

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

    NaBrO.

  • You Aint Said Nothing About Meing and Meing

    The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and sheing to stand up!” Half of his congregation stood up.

    He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and heing to stand up!” A couple of men stood up.

    He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been sheing and sheing to stand up!” Several women stood up. The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnny.

    The minister shouted out, “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin? Little Johnny, stand up… I guess you are the only one here who isn’t preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say!”

    Little Johnny replied, “Reverend, you ain’t said nothing about meing and meing!”

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  • My Step Ladder

    I have a step ladder.

    I lost my real ladder at a young age.

  • Deaf Club

    Deaf Club

    THE FIRST RULE OF DEAF CLUB…

    NYOU NU NOT NALK AMOUT NEF GLUB,

  • Riveting

    Riveting

    So, what do you do for work?

    I drill holes in sheets of metal.

    Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.

    Riveting…

  • Waist Of Time

    Waist Of Time

    I ONCE TIED ALL MY WATCHES TOGETHER TO MAKE A BELT

    THEN REALIZED IT WAS A WAIST OF TIME

    made on imgur

  • Sirius Shirley

    Sirius Shirley

    HI, MY NAME IS SIRIUS

    BUT I WANT TO BE SIRIUS

    SHIRLEY YOU CANT BE SIRIUS