Did you hear that Apple revealed a new device today that tells a dad joke at the push of a button?
They’re calling it the iRoll.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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When it comes to being a good father for my daughters, I have three unwritten rules
When it comes to being a good father for my daughters, I have three unwritten rules:
1)
2)
3)
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I made a model of Mount Everest
I made a model of Mount Everest.
Not to scale, just to look at.
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My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance
My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance.
I said, “Thanks, I used to do gymnastics,” and hung up the phone.
That was nice of them.
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Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire
Breaking News!
Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire.
S’more at 11.
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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.
I call it lunch.
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The Horse, the Pig, and the Chicken
A horse, a pig, and a chicken were friends.
One day they were playing on the farm when the horse suddenly fell into a deep ditch. The pig and the chicken panicked and started crying for help. The horse called out to them from the ditch and said, “Run to the shed where the farmer keeps his tractor. Get a rope, tie one end to the tractor and throw the other end to me. Then have the farmhand drive the tractor and pull me up.”
The chicken and the pig did exactly that but weren’t sure if the tractor would work. But it was a powerful Mercedes tractor and in no time the horse was rescued from the ditch.
A few days later the three of them were playing on the farm again when the chicken fell into the same ditch. The pig panicked and told the horse, “Come on, let’s get the tractor and the rope, quick!”
The horse calmly said, “Wait, leave this to me.” He went over to the ditch, slowly lowered his dick and asked the chicken to grab on to it. As the terrified chicken grabbed his dick the horse carefully pulled her up.
“Wow, that was amazing,” said the pig. “How did you even think of that?”
“Well,” the horse replied, “when you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.”
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An Old Pal in Manhattan
I was walking in Manhattan when I bumped into an old high school pal whom I hadn’t seen in twenty years. He was eager to show me photos of his new wife.
“Here, check out my wife,” he said as he scrolled through a few photos on his phone. “Isn’t she hot?!”
I replied, “If you think your wife is hot, you should see my wife.”
“Is she hot too?”
“Well yes, but she’s also an eye doctor!”
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN…
They will get very angry.
