My doctor told me I’m at an age where I need a colonoscopy annually.
I’m a bit worried. He’s a doctor and should know it’s pronounced anally.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Too Many Probing Questions
Why do aliens make such bad therapists?
They ask too many probing questions.
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Had to Pop the Trunk
I won a balloon elephant at the fair and it wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car. So I had to pop the trunk.
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The End Was in Sight
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.
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Only Have a Croc Pot
I was going to cook alligator for dinner…
But then I realized I only have a croc pot.
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The Three Nuns at the Pearly Gates
Three nuns on a monthly trip to the city to sell goods from the convent’s garden got hit by a drunk driver and killed. They all went to heaven where they were met by St. Peter at the gate.
St. Peter, seeing that they were nuns, told them, “Well, ladies, seeing that you are all religious types, we’ll have to administer a little admissions test before letting you in. Nothing to worry about. Only one question.”
St. Peter asks the first nun, “OK, your question is: Who was the first man on earth?”
The nun replies, “Oh, that’s easy. It was Adam.”
Lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
St. Peter then asks the second nun, “OK, your question is: Who was the first woman on earth?”
The nun replies, “Oh, that’s easy. It was Eve.”
And again, lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
St. Peter then tells the third nun, “Well, you ladies are really on top of things. I’ll have to think of a more difficult question. Oh, I have it. Your question is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when she saw him?”
The third nun gets a rather confused look on her face, begins scratching her head and finally replies, “Gee, that’s a hard one.”
Lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
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I Have Never Been a Mourning Person
I have a friend who passed away recently and they are having the funeral at 7am. I’ve decided not to go… I have never been a mourning person.
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The Twenty-Dollar Tomatoes
A guy went to a supermarket to buy 2 tomatoes.
At the checkout, the clerk said, “That’ll be $20.”
The guy was upset. “Two tomatoes for $20? Are you out of your mind?!”
The clerk said, “That’s the price, you want them or not?”
The guy said, “I don’t want them, and you know what you can do with them?”
The clerk said, “I can’t, there’s already a $10 cucumber there.”
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He Takes Things Personally
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
