Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon (X-Rated)

    The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon (X-rated version)

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    12. “Can I interest you in a protein shake?”

    11. “Hey, handsome. Would you like some coffee with that cream?”

    10. “Hey, is that a cucumber in your pocket? And if so, can I borrow it for about 15 minutes?”

    9. “Avoid the clam dip.”

    8. “I don’t mean this to sound like a typical pick-up line, but you have beautiful labia.”

    7. “Hello, Richard. My name’s Dick. Have you met my friend, Peter?”

    6. “How’d you like to blow this joint?”

    5. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘goo’ and ‘eye’ together.”

    4. “Care to get rid of the sock and slip into something more comfortable?”

    3. “Come here to come here often?”

    2. “Oops — sorry about that. Consider it a compliment. Can I get you a towel?”

    1. “Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
    Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
    Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
    Wanna fuck? Yes? Great!”

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  • Top 17 Safe Porn Movies

    The Top 17 Safe Porn Movies (R-rated)

    17. Cold Shower Mountain

    16. The Abstinent-Minded Professor

    15. The Silence of the Loins

    14. Mickey Blue Balls

    13. Boys on the Side of Caution

    12. Full Metal Chastity Belt

    11. Harry Potter and the Extremely Dog-Eared Issue of Swank

    10. The Longest Yawn

    9. Emmanuelle Goes Pennsylvania Dutch

    8. Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice… Have a Lovely Game of Bridge

    7. Bone Alone

    6. Fakin’ 2: Battery-Operated Boogaloo

    5. Debbie Does Bupkis

    4. Papa’s Celibate Condition

    3. White Men Can’t Hump

    2. Girl on Girl, Interrupted

    1. All Quiet on the Wankin’ Front

    [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
    [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

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  • Check and Chuck

    The FDA announced today the approval of a new birth control product. The package combines an Early Pregnancy Test kit (or EPT) with the new French abortion pill, RU-486.

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    The product will be marketed by Dow Chemical under the shelf name of “Check and Chuck!!”

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  • Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon

    The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    12. “Doesn’t it seem strange to be doing this? I mean, without a keyboard in front of you?”

    11. “So, I hear you’re looking for a colossal jerk.”

    10. “Excuse me — I could use a hand over here.”

    9. “Doubles, anyone?”

    8. “So what time do you get off?”

    7. “This reminds me of Hands Across America. Only slimier.”

    6. “Are you finished with that?”

    5. “Good choice! The SuperSchlong 6000 was a Consumer Reports Best Buy.”

    4. “This is just a microcosm of life… oh, sorry about that — I’m waxing philosophical.”

    3. “Hello, handsome! I will be your father figure….”

    2. “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

    1. “Can you help me out? I’m blind — and extremely confused right now.”

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  • Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg

    Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?

    A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!

  • Two Kinds of Booty

    It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.

  • 60-Minute Carbio Porkout

    I designed my new video to address an under-served niche: enabling Atkins dieters to enjoy the thrill of watching a starch-laden buffet get decimated without all the unwanted after-effects via “60-Minute Carbio Porkout!”

  • Alone When Doing Number Two

    The old song says, “One is the loneliest number you could ever do.” I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone when I’m doing number two.

  • Beethoven Did He Listen

    Beethoven Did He Listen

    Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do

    Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But did he listen?

  • Cowboy Architects Towns

    Cowboy Architects Towns

    I BELIEVE A LOT OF CONFLICT IN THE WILD WEST COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED

    IF COWBOY ARCHITECTS HAD JUST MADE THEIR TOWNS BIG ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE