Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Stationery Bike

    To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.

  • Sex Worker’s Bleeding Problem Baffles Doctor

    A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. “Any specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours,” she replied. “Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?”

    “Well,” the doctor answered, “Haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?”

    After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, “Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess.”

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  • External Combustion Engine

    I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.

  • Mother’s Unexpected Backyard Activities

    Salesman to boy answering the door… “Hi, is your mother in?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Yes,” said the boy, “she’s out in the back yard screwing the goat.”

    “I don’t believe it,” said the salesman.

    The boy says: “Come and see for yourself.”

    So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the goat screwing the mother.

    The salesman said to the boy, “Isn’t she afraid she’ll get pregnant?”

    The boy says… “N-a-a-a-a-a-a-“

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  • Bob Peters’ Unfortunate Barbershop Visit

    A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, “Bob Peters here?”

    The barber replied, “Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts.”

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  • Smothered Chicken

    As my husband ordered the smothered chicken, I thought to myself, “Boy, it sure took a sick bastard to discover the meat had a special flavor when oxygen-deprived.”

  • Nguyen-Nguyen Situation

    My boss decided to hire two Vietnamese brothers instead of one.

    It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

  • My Dog Is Really Smart

    My dog is really smart.

    I asked him, “What’s two minus two?”

    He said nothing.

  • Where I Draw the Line

    I do a lot of illegal things…

    But graffiti is where I draw the line.