Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Butterface

    Joey was hanging in a bar, and his friends asked him if he’d scored lately.

    “Man, I picked up this chick the other night and had the best sex ever,” Joey told them. “The only problem was, she was a total butterface.”

    His friends asked him, “What the hell is a butterface?”

    Joey answered, “Everything about her was hot, but her face.”

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  • A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A taxonomic classification of unicorns in the wild: the standard model, the heavy assault variant, and the high-speed submersible edition.

  • Did I Come Here to Die?

    A Canadian tourist in Australia gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with a doctor standing over him.

    He asks the doctor, “Did I come here to die?”

    The doctor replies, “Nah mate, you came here yesterday.”

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  • Poop Deck Confusion Lands Lifetime Cruise Ban

    I haven’t been allowed back on a cruise ship ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding.

  • Don’t Change the Subject

    A guy walks into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”

    Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”

    The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!”

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  • Wife’s Anatomy: Not What I Expected

    My wife says it’s okay to have a little penis. I still wish she didn’t have one, though.

  • I Beat Anorexia

    I Beat Anorexia

    I BEAT ANOREXIA

  • German Car Parts Get Hilariously Mistranslated Names

    When the German language doesn’t have an existing word one can sometimes assemble a new one from bits they already have. Therefore non-british people who speak english should pronounce the german phonetically.

    INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
    BONNET Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
    EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
    SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
    CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
    PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
    LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
    ESTATE CAR Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
    PARKING METER Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
    WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
    POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
    GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
    FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
    BREATHALYSER Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
    REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
    SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
    HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
    EXHAUST FUMES Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
    HIGHWAY CODE Der Wipen fur Arsen
    FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
    TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddifuckin Dammundblast
    REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
    TYRES Flatfahrts
    BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
    JUGGERNAUT Der Fukkengratt Trukken
    ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
    NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
    GARAGE Der Hieway Robberung
    CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
    SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
    DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken und Krunchen.

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  • Chevy and Toyota’s Unfortunate Bathroom Breakthrough

    Did you hear that Chevy and Toyota will be working together to build a car at the old Chevette factory?

    The new sportscar will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

    It will be called . . . the Toy-a-let.

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  • Removing It From the Church

    What’s the hardest part of being an organ donor?

    Removing it from the church.