What has one leg and licks balls?
My amputee girlfriend.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Flappuccino
What is the female equivalent of teabagging?
A flappuccino.
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Chinese Amputee
What do you call a Chinese amputee?
Tai Wan Shu.
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Mike Tyson’s Religion
How can you tell Mike Tyson does not like religion?
Because he punches everyone on their faith.
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Jesus vs. a Frame of Jesus
What’s the difference between Jesus and a frame of Jesus?
You can hang the frame with only one nail.
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Same Name
I should be happy because I have a new girlfriend. The problem is she has the same name as my sister. So every time we have sex now…
…all I think about is my new girlfriend.
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My frog impression
I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me before he croaked.
He said, “Hey kid, wanna hear my frog impression?” -
The Top 11 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts
11. J.J. Abrams — money silos to store all the coin Disney will throw at him to direct a future “Star Wars” movie
10. Tom Brady — a pressure cooker
9. Tom Brady — Federal Reserve action to prevent deflation
8. Bernie Sanders — combo campaign/get off my lawn signs
7. North West — witnessing a horrible crime so Witness Protection can change her name and reassign her to a nice, suburban, middle-class family from the Kansas City area
6. Jim Gilmore — a mirror, so someone would see him
5. Renée Zellweger — her old face back
4. Ben Carson — a good campaign surgeon
3. Gwyneth Paltrow — a steam cleaner
2. Reince Priebus — balls
1. Miss Piggy — a dry rub
