Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Times are rough

    I’ve run out of toilet paper, so I’ve started using old newspaper…
    The Times are rough.

  • Ancient grease

    An archaeologist found a 2,000-year-old oil stain.
    Ancient grease.

  • It means a lot to you

    To all my Spanish-speaking friends out there, I just want to say “mucho”…
    …because I know it means a lot to you.

  • Just a shot in the dark

    I was trying to get romantic with the new nurse at my doctor’s office, so I asked her to dim the lights before she gave me the tetanus booster.
    I guess it was just a shot in the dark.

  • Al Roker

    Should NBC be concerned? They keep getting communications that affect the weather from some rogue terrorist group called “Al Roker.”

  • Beat Up a Fifth Grader

    I don’t think I’d do very well on that TV show, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

    But if they ever have a spin-off called, “Can You Beat Up a Fifth Grader?” I’ll bet I could score some nice consolation prizes.

  • Stars in my eyes

    The worst part about falling asleep in my Campbell’s chicken soup is waking up with stars in my eyes.

  • How much younger she looks

    Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!

  • The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

    17. There’s Something About Tying Up and Whipping Mary

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    16. Boundhog Day

    15. Prince of Tied

    14. Binding Nemo

    13. Cloudy with a Chance of Beat Balls

    12. Meet the Floggers

    11. Back Side Story

    10. The Hurt Licker

    9. L*A*S*H

    8. Rear Ender’s Game

    7. 12 Angry Men and a Coed with Daddy Issues

    6. 13 Years a Sex Slave

    5. Lock, Stock, Cuffs, Shackles, Chains, Restraints, Ball Gags and Two Smoking Barrels

    4. Blazing Paddles

    3. Thor All Over

    2. Dude, Where’s Your Fist?

    1. Whip. Lash.

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  • He’s pure bread

    I can’t take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep biting him.
    I should have known better.

    He’s pure bread!