Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • A slipper

    What do you call a shoe made from a banana?

    A slipper.

  • Is the bar tender here?

    A termite walks into a pub and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

  • A gardener hoes his beets

    What’s the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

    A gardener hoes his beets.

  • The thesaurus throat

    I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.

    I’ve got the thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

  • He was gladiator

    What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

    Nothing. He was gladiator.

  • A meth head actor

    What do you call an actor who’s addicted to meth?

    A meth-head actor.

  • A Schwing and Amish

    A Schwing and Amish

    A Schwing and Amish

  • A waist of time

    What do you call a belt made of watches?

    A waist of time.

  • Free of charge

    The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

    They gave me another one, free of charge.

  • Just a figure of speech

    My friend asked me to say a few words at his wife’s funeral, so I stepped up to the podium, cleared my throat, and said, “Curvy, shapely, voluptuous, generously proportioned, full-figured…”

    He stopped me and said, “Dude, what are you saying??”

    I replied, “Sorry… it was just a figure of speech.”