Clean Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Jesus on Deck: A Divine Docking Dilemma

Jesus walks aboard a ship.

The puzzled captain asks him, “Couldn’t you wait until we docked?”

Jesus walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “You ain’t getting hammered here.”

Jesus walks into a motel.

He puts three nails on the counter and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”

I accidentally swallowed a bottle of invisible ink.

Now I am in the ER waiting to be seen.

Diarrhea Awareness starts on Monday.

Runs through Friday.

I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.

I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.

What would bears be without bees?

Ears

My wife accused me of liking my relatives more than hers. I told her that was absolutely not true.

I thought her mother-in-law was much nicer than mine.

I just rented a limo for $500, then learned that fee doesn’t even include a driver.

So I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

I woke up to an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.

My instinct was to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized that one should never make rash decisions!