I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.
She asked what’s so special about it.
“It’s hard to say,” I answered.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Not Enough Because I Have to Go Back Tomorrow
I just asked my son what he learned today at school, and he told me, “Not enough, because I have to go back tomorrow.”
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Vanished Without a Tres
I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…
The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.
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What Happened in Agua Fria
A gunslinger walks into a saloon and yells…
“…which one of you lily-livered, yellow-bellied, flea-bitten curs stole my horse!?”
The room is silent.
The gunslinger continues. “Alright! Here’s what’s going to happen! I’m going to buy a beer, drink it, and then I’m going back outside! And if my horse isn’t there, I’m going to have to do here what I did in Agua Fria! I don’t want to, but if I don’t get my horse back… you aren’t really giving me much of a choice!”
The gunslinger gets his beer, drinks it, and walks outside, only to find his horse at the watering trough. As he gets into the saddle, the bartender comes out and nervously asks: “So… what did you do in Agua Fria?”
“Walked out of town and never went back.”
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Results in Heaven
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:
“This is Heaven, and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”
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Make Hens Meet
I used to run a dating service for chickens but I had to shut it down.
I struggled to make hens meet.
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Einstein and His Driver
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:
“Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”
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The Blonde Learns How to Tell a Joke
A blonde and a brunette are hanging out. “Can you teach me how to tell a joke?” asks the blonde.
“People don’t seem to like my jokes,” she continued. “But everyone laughs at yours. How do you come up with such good jokes?”
“Honestly, I’m not really naturally funny,” said the brunette. “I don’t think up my own jokes. I just take other people’s jokes and say the punchline louder.”
“Oh…” The blonde thought long and hard for a moment. “Okay, I think I got it. Knock knock!”
“Um… who’s there?”
“Louder!”
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I Just Looked Next to the Potatoes
I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”
I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”
