Where did the Helsinki marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Some Really Terrible Things for Money
In my day, I’ve done some really terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
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Sails Are Going Through the Roof
I started a business making yachts in the attic.
Sails are going through the roof.
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Theyre Looking for Us With Lanterns
Jack and John went camping. After setting up their tent and relaxing for a while, it got dark and suddenly they were surrounded by mosquitoes. So they quickly got inside the tent and hid under the blanket.
After some time, Jack decided to peek outside. He lifted the blanket and slightly opened the tent door, only to see a bunch of fireflies glowing outside.
He immediately jumped back under the blanket and whispered to John:
“Don’t go out… they’re looking for us with lanterns.”
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I Learned Next to Nothing
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and I learned next to nothing.
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Perfect Eyesight on the Fairway
Arthur is 75 years old…
He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago.
One day, he arrives home looking downcast.
“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea.
As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did!” the brother-in-law answers. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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The Pope as His Chauffeur
While visiting the United States, the Pope tells his limo driver that he suddenly has the urge to drive.
The driver, being a devoted Catholic, would never dream of refusing the Pope, so he climbs into the back seat while the Pope takes the wheel.
They’re cruising down the highway at nearly 80 mph when a police officer spots them and pulls them over.
The officer radios headquarters:
“Chief, I’ve pulled over a limo with a very important VIP inside.”
The chief asks, “Who is it? The mayor?”
“No, someone more important.”
“The governor?”
“More important.”
“The President?!”
“No, even more important.”
Now irritated, the chief says, “Who could possibly be more important than the President?”
The policeman calmly whispered, “I’ll put it to you this way, Chief… I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”
