Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I’m Not Going to Take This Sitting Down

    Honestly, I cannot think of a situation where I’d say, “I’m not going to take this sitting down!” Sitting down is awesome.

  • When It Comes to Their Pessimism

    When it comes to their pessimism, every pessimist is an optimist.

  • Today’s Intelligence World Changes So Rapidly

    Today’s intelligence world changes so rapidly; it’s all the CIA can do to pretend not to keep up.

  • The Bar Challenge

    A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

    The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

    The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

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  • A Job Interview

    I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, ‘We’re looking for someone who is responsible.’

    ‘Well, I’m your man,’ I replied. ‘In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.’

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  • A Request For A Raise

    An employee asks his boss for a raise, explaining that four companies are after him.

    The boss agrees to a ten percent raise and extra vacation time, then asks which companies are after him.

    The employee replies, “The Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company, and the Mortgage Company!”

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  • A Radio Conversation At Sea

    Actual transcript of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

    U.S. Ship: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.”

    Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.”

    U.S. Ship: “This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”

    Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”

    U.S. Ship: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE.”

    Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

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  • Pictures From Our First Trip Together

    My wife emailed me the pictures from our first trip together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

    I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

  • Take Your Kids To Work Day

    An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on “Take Your Kids to Work Day.” As they were walking around, the little girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her.

    As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

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  • Three Men In A Soviet Bar

    Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, “Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?”

    The other says, “Because he was afraid of capitalism.”

    The whole bar died laughing.

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