Of course there’s a reason to beat a dead horse. It shows all the other horses that you mean business.
Sensitivity: Dark
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump.
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump. But how the hell am I supposed to remember to wash my hands whenever I touch it?
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I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow.
I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon.
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I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to
I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to the bathroom before you pee all over yourself. But it’s still better than the one where you dream you’re stranded alone on an island and you have to remove your own appendix before it bursts and you wake up and have to run to the ER before you bleed to death. I REALLY hate that one.
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I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a
I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a bunch of Chicago voters to the polls yesterday, but now I can’t get the dead corpse smell out of my minivan.
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Once when I was a kid, I almost choked to death on a sticky-pop.
Once when I was a kid, I almost choked to death on a sticky-pop. Fortunately, my grandfather had the good sense to tell me to stop lollygagging.
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I cried because I had no shoes, until I met my buddy with some exceptionally strong weed.
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met my buddy with some exceptionally strong weed. After doing bong hits for an hour, I couldn’t remember what the hell I was crying about in the first place. Still can’t find my damn shoes, though.
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My dad is fond of writing on containers of “his” leftovers, “Do not TOUCH or EAT, under
My dad is fond of writing on containers of “his” leftovers, “Do not TOUCH or EAT, under penalty of DEATH or DISMEMBERMENT, and not necessarily IN THAT ORDER!!!” I find that deliciously ironic when we’ve ordered a bucket of fried chicken.
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Every 28 days, I feel like watching nearly dead rockers and asking people to give me
Every 28 days, I feel like watching nearly dead rockers and asking people to give me money. My doctor told me I suffer from PBS.
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Given that so many members of Lynyrd Skynyrd have died over the years, it’s surprising
Given that so many members of Lynyrd Skynyrd have died over the years, it’s surprising that none of the deaths were from suicide. After all, how many 20-minute performances of “Freebird” can a man take?
