The great thing about dating a homeless woman is you can just drop her off anywhere.
Sensitivity: Dark
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Heavenly Lines and Unholy Punchlines
An old Jewish man dies and is waiting in line at the pearly gates.
The line is very long. He says out loud, “Oy, what’s with the holdup? The last time I was in a line this long, it was at Auschwitz. And at least then there was the promise of a shower at the end!”
God appears from the clouds and says, “I do not like that joke.”
The man shrugs and says, “Oy, I guess you just had to be there.”
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Never Forget: A Witty Reminder
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said you’d never forget!!! -
Deadly Green Furry Pool Table Surprise!
What’s green and furry and has four legs and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you’ll die?
A pool table. -
Two hunters
Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapsed.
The other grabbed his phone, called emergency services, and yelled, “Help! We were out hunting, and I think my buddy’s dead! What do I do?!”
The operator said calmly, “All right, sir. First, make sure he’s dead.”
There was a pause… then two gunshots.
The hunter came back on the line and said, “Okay — now what?”
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The last soup
As the dingy, small restaurant is about to close, a customer rushed through the door and said: “Please, I am starving, I will order anything you have or anything easy to make. Plus a soup.”
The waiter replied: “Sure, we have some rotisserie chicken that we can bring to you, but we are all out of soup.” Pointing to the corner of the restaurant, he said, “That gentleman ordered the last one.”
The last customer then noticed a lone, sad looking man sitting at a small table with his head down, with a full bowl of soup in front of him. After contemplating a bit, he asked in a gentle voice: “Sir, I noticed that you have not eaten your soup. If you don’t mind, may I have it?”
The sad man silently moved the dish with bowl of soup and soup spoon towards the direction of the last customer.
“Thank you, thank you!” the last customer took the soup back to his table and started eagerly eating it… until he noticed the dead rat at bottom of the bowl.
Totally disgusted by what he saw and ate, he vomited violently, back into the bowl. finally, after he calmed down, wiped tears off his eyes and dabbed the corner of his mouth with a napkin, he noticed the sad man looking mournfully at him.
“I know, that’s what I did too.” The sad man said.
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Temperature Check: Taste vs. Tradition!
What’s the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?
The taste. -
Eyes Wide Open: A Unique Surgery Success
Went to school with a guy who was born without eyelids. He underwent surgery where they circumcised him and used the foreskin to create natural looking eyelids. The operation was a success.
He still looks a little cockeyed though.
