At the party last night, there was a girl wearing the same T-shirt as me.
It was a tight fit, but we managed.
Sensitivity: PG-13
Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Genie’s Wish
A father, mother and child are sitting down to dinner. The boy sees a strange-looking lamp in the middle of the table. He reaches over and rubs the side of it playfully.
A genie appears suddenly. The boy asks, “Are you a genie like in Aladdin?”
“I can grant each of you one wish. You can choose one thing and you will have a lifetime supply. You just go to where that thing is, show me, and voilà! It’s yours for life.”
The mom runs to the car excited and says, “I want a lifetime supply of wine!” The boy screams, “I want a lifetime supply of candy!” The mom then realizes the dad is pulling out in their other car. The mom yells, “Where are you going?”
The dad yells back, “The strip club!”
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That, Gentlemen, Is Courage
A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors.
The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”
He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”
The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.
The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”
The American says, “That’s nothing.”
He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bow. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return.”
The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.
The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”
The British admiral says, “That’s nothing. Sailor, come here.”
The matelot comes to attention and salutes.
The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam, then climb up the mast and do it again.”
The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”
The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage.”
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Holy Spirit Strangling Hookers
“Wooooo… I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!”
“Nonsense—masturbation is healthy and natural.”
“No, I meant strangling hookers.”
“Oh, right. Tbat.”
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Happy Meal for Grown Ups
IF THEY MADE A HAPPY MEAL
BAREFOOT SWEET RED CALIFORNIA RED WINE BLEND
Babybel
GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK SEA SALT SOIREE ALMOND
FOR GROWN UPS.
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Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary
It’s hip hop… You wouldn’t get it… Just take the fucking picture Hillary
