Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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It Is Your Cow
Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave’s porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Mabel, I’d sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.”
“Well then, why don’t you?” Mabel whispered back. “It is YOUR cow.”
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Posterchild for Posterchildren
I’m glad that there isn’t a disease where children are born with thin paper bodies. Although I guess it might be fun to be the posterchild for posterchildren.
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$600 a Week and a Third Interest in the Pharmacy
One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.
“I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.
“Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.
“Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”
“Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”
“I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.
“Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”
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Which Feels Better Your Ear or Your Finger
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this — when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better — your ear or your finger?”
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Y2KY Jelly
The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant.
In the light of this they have now renamed it as: Y2KY Jelly.
Said a spokesman: “The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two.”
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Were Having a Yard Sale Today
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked.
A well-dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. “This is a brothel” replied the madam.
“Well, what’s all this out on the lawn?” queried the man.
“Oh, we’re having a yard sale today.”
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Eats Shoots and Leaves
A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”
Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.
She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.
The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.
