For maximum concentration
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Spiderman Eats Thieves
Spider-Man Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web Any size
Catches thieves Eats those guys
Hey wait Don’t do that Spider-Man
-
Girl Without Arms Bed
Just remember that somewhere out there, a girl without arms… is trying to make her bed.
-
500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
-
Tonto Kowalski, Nice to Meet You
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?”
He coolly replies, “Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you.”
-
The Clapper and the Mime
Does the Clapper still turn the lights on if a mime is doing the clapping?
-
Sex Life Scored by Guessing Game Results
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience.
Now please begin.
“CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney -
Cat LinkedIn Reality
Reality: I poop in the litter box myself.
LinkedIn: Independently executes a self-sanitation protocol, expertly managing bio-waste in designated litter facilities. Maintains exceptional personal hygiene and cleanliness, contributing to a well-ordered and harmonious home environment.
