Clever Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Backward Splash: The Diver’s Clever Dive!

Why do scuba divers fall backward into the water?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
She has sole custody.

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, “First offender?”

The woman replies, “nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender.”

My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash so I grew up with mixed race parents.

Common sense is like deodorant… the people who need it most never use it.

What’s made out of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A Shoe!

What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?
Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chickpeas can only hummus one.

What’s the difference between a dog leash and the French Revolution?
One is a reign of terror, the other is a rein of terrier.

Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
They don’t like mandates.