Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
☀MissMorningstar☀ @KeeperOfDankniz
The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.
10:27 PM · 10 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android
hawk @hawktherapper
if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points
Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set?
You didn’t know? Neither did she.
I just found out that cockfighting is done with chickens. That’s two years of training I’ll never get back.
Me: *trying the ol’ yawn/reach-around-the-shoulder trick*
Other guy at urinal: hey
My wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
Why don’t blind people like to skydive?
Because it scares the dog.
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.
