My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected. It’s all fucking politics.
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw
Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw sewage, as if cooked sewage doesn’t smell like shit.
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Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school.
Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school. Like 36 years late. I’m gonna need a note.
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Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but
Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but sometimes a change is nice.
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These funeral ushers are not fucking around with the one free
These funeral ushers are not fucking around with the one free balloon per mourner limit.
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
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My Uncle Larry once told me that you knew you had a good strong
My Uncle Larry once told me that you knew you had a good strong penis if you could lift weights with it. At least, that’s how I explained the whole bowling ball/SuperGlue incident to the ER staff.
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I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but
I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but they just got all wobbly like they didn’t give a fuck.
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Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and
Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and get out of jury duty and I don’t wanna sound stupid.
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(Donald Junter) No matter what kind of day I have, by the end of
(Donald Junter) No matter what kind of day I have, by the end of the day my bra always smells like boobs.
