Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Childhood Punishments, Adult Goals

    All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
    Eating vegetables, staying home, taking a nap, going to bed early.

  • Does It Take Time to Develop

    Are people born with a photographic memory?

    Or does it take time to develop?

  • Hoping I Can Pull It Off

    Once again I’ve entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town.

    This year I’m just hoping… that I can pull it off.

  • Nature’s Way of Saying

    Garage sales: nature’s way of saying, “Here, let me pay you to throw this out for me.”

  • Digging in Her Heels

    A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”

    “What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”

    And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”

  • Until Someone Loses an I

    I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.

    It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

  • Came Out of the Closet This Morning

    Someone told me my clothes were gay.

    I said, “Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning.”

  • Man Wanted for Robbery

    I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”

    So I went in and applied for the job.

  • There So Stupid

    I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.

    There so stupid.

  • A Ham-Brrr-Grrr

    What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?

    A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.