Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Which Vowel Is the Most Important

    The other day, a friend and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

    I won.

  • I’ve Come a Long Way

    It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.

    Since then I’ve come a long way.

  • Only Sustained Light Injuries

    I accidentally ran into a lamp post. Thankfully, I only sustained light injuries.

  • More Than Red and Blue Combined

    My least favourite colour is purple.

    I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

  • I Just Don’t See It

    My friend thinks that a woman in camouflage is really sexy.

    I just don’t see it.

  • Up to My Chin Should Do It

    A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”

    So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”

    “Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”

  • Childhood Punishments, Adult Goals

    All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
    Eating vegetables, staying home, taking a nap, going to bed early.

  • Does It Take Time to Develop

    Are people born with a photographic memory?

    Or does it take time to develop?

  • Hoping I Can Pull It Off

    Once again I’ve entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town.

    This year I’m just hoping… that I can pull it off.

  • Nature’s Way of Saying

    Garage sales: nature’s way of saying, “Here, let me pay you to throw this out for me.”