Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere!
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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His Mourning Coffee
What is the funeral director’s favourite drink?
He can’t start his day without his mourning coffee.
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Insufficient Funds
Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.
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You’re Much Bigger Than That
My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
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Doctors Have Described His Condition as Stable
BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
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Genealogist vs Gynecologist
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up your family tree. The other looks up your family bush.
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Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper
I couldn’t sleep last night because I realized Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have the same middle names.
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Bad Brakes Have Never Stopped Me Before
It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.
But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
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Do Not Resuscitate
I gave my wife a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I thought that it was a caring gesture. My wife was not happy.
The bracelet said, “Do Not Resuscitate.”
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One Man’s Junk Is Another Man’s Treasure
Why are gay dating sites so popular?
Because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
