Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • To Beat the Crowd

    Why do riot police go to work so early?

    To beat the crowd.

  • It Just Rolls Off the Tongue

    My favourite word is drool.

    It just rolls off the tongue.

  • You Should Be Hung

    I was sitting down having a beer watching my wife mow the lawn, and this old lady came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”

    I shouted back, “I am… that’s why she mows the lawn!”

  • Filled It With Spring Water

    My ditzy neighbor bought a waterbed and said it was way more bouncy than he expected…

    He said, “I’m guessing it’s because I filled it with spring water.”

  • No Word Yet

    My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.

    No word yet…

  • Such a Small Organ

    In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”

    He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”

  • Feeling a Little Down

    I was in a good mood till I started petting a duckling in the park.

    Then I started feeling a little down.

  • She Never Listened to Me

    I had to break up with my deaf girlfriend.

    She never listened to me.

  • The First Few Days Were the Hardest

    I recently joined a nudist colony.

    The first few days were the hardest.

  • Look Back and Laugh

    It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.

    But now I can look back and laugh.