Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Digging in Her Heels

    A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”

    “What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”

    And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”

  • Until Someone Loses an I

    I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.

    It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

  • Came Out of the Closet This Morning

    Someone told me my clothes were gay.

    I said, “Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning.”

  • Man Wanted for Robbery

    I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”

    So I went in and applied for the job.

  • There So Stupid

    I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.

    There so stupid.

  • A Ham-Brrr-Grrr

    What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?

    A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.

  • But When I Do, There It Is

    I don’t always whoomp.

    But when I do, there it is.

  • I Would Like to Do It Again

    My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.

    Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.

  • Painted It Black So It Would Run Faster

    I just bought a new laptop and painted it black so it would run faster…

    Instead, it just stopped working and stole all my data…

  • She Really Means Well

    My wife just yelled that I should “fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth filled with water and die.”

    I know she really means well.