I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…
It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…
It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he’d like.
“Well,” the young man says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while, and she’s really hot. I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents, then we’re going out afterward. I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky… and once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack.”
So he buys the condoms and leaves.
Later that evening, he’s sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree.
He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes.
Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, “You never told me you were such a religious person.”
He whispers back,
“You never told me your father was a pharmacist.”
Did you hear about the dog who was floating in the ocean?
He was a good buoy…
Did you hear the Vatican is releasing an online payment system to absolve you of your sins?
They’re calling it PaPal.
My boss said he couldn’t talk because he was traveling.
I told him he probably needs to shoot or pass, and refrain from dribbling again.
My girlfriend asked why I never buy her flowers.
I told her I didn’t know she sold flowers.