Men only want one
thing and it’s disgusting
Then wash it
Topic: animals
Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.
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Snails Without Their Shells
You’d think snails would be faster without their shells.
But they’re actually a bit more sluggish.
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Taking Snails Out of Their Shells
Taking snails out of their shells won’t make them go faster.
On the contrary, it makes them more sluggish.
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The New Bull
A farmer has two bulls and lots of cows, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore. One day, the farmer buys a third bull. The new bull is much younger and more energetic than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
One of the two old bulls starts huffing, snorting, and pawing the ground. “Don’t try to compete with him,” says the other old bull. “You’re too old. He’d laugh at you.”
“I’m not trying to compete with him,” says the first old bull. “I just want him to know I’m not a cow.”
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Avram’s New Cow
Avram needs a new milk cow, so he travels to Minsk to buy one. When he returns, he immediately sees a problem with the new cow.
Every time the bull approached and mounted the cow to mate, the cow would pull away and run to the other side of the pasture. This went on for several days.
Getting desperate and not knowing what to do, Avram contacted his rabbi for advice. He explained, “Rabbi, my new cow will not let the bull mate. Every time he tries, she runs to the other side of the pasture.”
The rabbi thinks for a moment, then asks, “Avram, did you, perhaps, get this cow in Minsk?”
“Why, yes! How could you have known that?”
There was a long pause, then the rabbi sighed, “My wife is from Minsk.”
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Why SeaWorld Closed
Why did SeaWorld close?
It was being reporpoised.
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My Best Friend In Bed
I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!
She was stroking him, and he was licking her!
I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.
I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:
“Bad dog! BAD dog!”
