Topic: food

Food jokes, snack memes, kitchen crimes, restaurant disasters, and edible nonsense for people who laugh first and check expiration dates later.

Her Milkshake

Her
Milk Shake
Brings All
The Boys
To The Yard
My Kids Asked for a Dance Party in the Vegetable Garden

My kids asked if they could have a dance party in the neighbor’s vegetable garden. I’m like, “Uh, why?”

“Because they lettuce turnip the beets.”
You Coming to the BBQ?

Me: you coming to the bbq?

Her: what bbq?

Me: the one where I slap my meat across your grill
A First Date With a Vegetarian Girl

I’m going on a first date with a vegetarian girl I met online.

I’ve never met herbivore.
Blonde Fired From the M&M Factory

Hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing away all the Ws.
The Bar Menu

A man walks into a bar.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

Upon sitting down, a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

He looks up at the menu above the bar.

It says, “Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, Handjob $10.”

He asks the waitress, “Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?”

She winks and replies, “Why, yes, I am.”

He says, “Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.”

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A Nice Summer Body for People to Look At

I wanted to have a nice summer body for people to look at, but I realized I like food more than I like people.
Afternoon Tea With Cannibals

Two cannibal friends are sitting together over afternoon tea.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

One looks across the table and asks, “Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a massive argument last night?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she replies. “It was dreadful.”

“So, where do things stand between you two now?”

She pauses, takes a delicate sip from her teacup, and says, “Well… right now, I’m just letting him stew.”

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Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire

Breaking News!

Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire.

S’more at 11.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

I call it lunch.