Humor Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

I’m not much for Disney on Ice, but if they ever make a Disney on Fire, I’m so there.

Puppy playdate?

Puppy playdate? At our place? Great idea! Why, just the other day, I was remarking to the wife that we dont have nearly enough dogs pooping in our backyard.

I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks.

I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks. Today I got the Vanilla Blonde Roast, because I really like all three of those separately.

I’m never quite certain just how to celebrate Ambiguity Awareness Day.

“Imagine there’s no Heather.

“Imagine there’s no Heather. It’s easy if you try.” Those are fun breakup song lyrics for .17% of the population, according to census data.

I am not getting fat.

I am not getting fat. I am simply carb-loading for the “Father of Teens” marathon that will be my life for the next decade or so.

Etsy: Proof we really need waiting periods and background checks before letting someone

Etsy: Proof we really need waiting periods and background checks before letting someone buy a glue gun.

My mother always told me there would be days like this.

My mother always told me there would be days like this. I found it very annoying, because she never gave us a “spoiler warning” before telling us stuff like that. Sometimes it’s nice to be surprised.

I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON!

I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON! Then again, all the entrants claimed they won.

The good news: I passed my sobriety test!

The good news: I passed my sobriety test! The bad news: I was so happy, I tried to hug the cop and I got tased.

Topic: humor