Humor Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Man in the Mirror

I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?

The Computer

Do you know why people call me “The Computer”?

I fall asleep if left unattended for 5 minutes.

Rap version: If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d

Rap version: If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, All over this motherfucker.

I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a

I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a sash, I think I’d wear some crotchless panties and sparkly pasties. Now who do I bribe to get the title?

I’d love it if some strippers banded together for a “Tits For a

I’d love it if some strippers banded together for a “Tits For a Cure” fundraiser/awareness project for some kind of disease or cause or something. I could sure get on board with that.

Laughter cures everything. Unless you have a phobia about

Laughter cures everything. Unless you have a phobia about someone being amused by the sight of your tiny dick.

Call me a “cheap ho” all you want — I’m still not throwing in

Call me a “cheap ho” all you want — I’m still not throwing in the midget for free.

Titty fucking: fun to say, and even more fun to do

Titty fucking: fun to say, and even more fun to do!

I’m going to get a dog and name it MyRack. Then I can walk

I’m going to get a dog and name it MyRack. Then I can walk around the neighborhood yelling, “Has anyone seen MyRack?” and see which guys dare to answer.

My wet T-shirt contests are popular, but my wet underpants

My wet T-shirt contests are popular, but my wet underpants contests are becoming legendary.

Topic: humor