Topic: relationships

Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.

  • Her Parents Ask About Intentions

    Her Parents Ask About Intentions

    Her parents: what are your intentions
    with our daughter?

    Me:

    BARRY McCOCKINNER

  • Can We Go to Hooters?

    Can We Go to Hooters?

    Me: can we go to Hooters?
    Wife: you’ve got Hooters at home
    The Hooters at home:

  • A First Date With a Vegetarian Girl

    I’m going on a first date with a vegetarian girl I met online.

    I’ve never met herbivore.

  • Husbands, if your wife does something wrong

    Husbands, if your wife does something wrong, just explain to her how your mom did it.

    She will appreciate your advice and strive to do it as she did.

  • Tent

    Tent

    TENT

    TENT BAG

  • Date Who Drills Holes

    My date told me she spends all her free time drilling holes.

    I said, “Well… that’s boring.”

  • The Weekend Hunter and the Swollen Eye

    A man leaves for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home afterward, he spends the entire weekend hunting with his buddies and blows his whole paycheck.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    When he finally gets home Sunday night, his wife is furious. She spends the next two hours giving him an earful.

    Finally, she asks, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

    He replies, “That’d be fine with me.”

    Monday comes and goes, and he doesn’t see his wife.

    Tuesday and Wednesday pass with the same result.

    By Thursday, the swelling has gone down just enough for him to see her out of the corner of his left eye.

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  • Ruthless

    A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.

    He’s Ruthless.

  • Patrick With Them Two Arseholes

    Patrick died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

    Seamus said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.”

    So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, “Nope, it ain’t Patrick.”

    The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

    Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”

    The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Patrick.”

    The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

    Sean said, “Well, Patrick had two arseholes.”

    “What? He had two arseholes?” asked the mortician.

    “Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Patrick with them two arseholes…’”

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  • Three Horse

    An old Indian was asked the name of his wife,

    He replied, “Three Horse.”

    “That’s an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?”

    The Indian replied, “It’s an old Indian name.”

    It means, Nag, Nag, Nag.

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