Topic: relationships

Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.

  • Struggling in Silence: Identity and Acceptance

    I didn’t want to admit I was gay and dyslexic.
    I was in Daniel.

  • Truth or Trouble: The Dress Dilemma

    “Does this dress make me look fat?”
    “Promise not to be mad, whatever I say?”
    “Yes, of course.”
    “I fucked your sister.”

  • Size Matters: Love, Laughter, and Wardrobe Woes

    You know how your girlfriend is getting fat?
    She fits your wife’s clothes.

  • The Square Dance

    Jimmy and Johnny attend a square dance during the depression. Johnny an otherwise handsome young man had lost an eye in a farming accident. Johnny’s father not having the money to purchase a glass eye, carved a prosthetic eye from wood. Johnny was quite self conscious because of his missing eye.

    Soon after arriving at the dance, Johnny tells Jimmy he believes no girl will dance with him. Jimmy tells him he just has to pick the right girl, and suggests Betty who has a harelip but is a very nice girl, whom has never been asked to dance.

    Johnny builds his courage, approaches Betty, and asks, “Betty, wouldn’t you like to dance?”

    Betty delighted to finally have been asked exclaims, “Wouldn’t I, Wouldn’t I?”

    Johnny shoves Betty aside and shouts, “Harelip, harelip, harelip!”.

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  • Listening: The Key to Conversation Survival!

    My wife screamed: ‘You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?’
    What a weird way to start a conversation!

  • Unremovable Bra: The Ultimate Booby Trap!

    What do you call a bra that you can’t take off?
    A booby trap.

  • Seven Sins and a Sour Confession

    A gorgeous blonde goes into confession. “My boyfriend made love to me seven times last night”, she told the priest.
    “Drink the juice of seven lemons”, said the priest.
    “Will that absolve me of my sins?” she asked.
    “No, but it’ll wipe that smile off your face.”

  • What’s your secret?

    So a 104-year-old man is being interviewed on the news. The interviewer says, “You’re 104 years old, you walk a mile a day, your mind is still sharp, and you still take care of yourself in your own home. Tell me … What’s your secret?”

    And the old man says, “I once blew a guy for a sandwich.”

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  • Make out session

    I was right in the middle of a steamy make out session with a hot chick when she stops me and asks “do you have a condom?”

    “No” I say, and begrudgingly get my things together and head for the store.

    When I get there, find the condoms and I’m checking out, the clerk asks me, “Do you need a bag?”

    To which I reply, “She’s not that ugly!”

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  • Single, huh?

    A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.

    The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”

    The man replies very sarcastically, “How did you guess?”

    She replies, “because you’re ugly.”

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