“I warned you about the consequences of all that anal sex in the 60s!”
Delivery Style: wordplay
Wordplay joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Not Looked Back Since
To save money on fuel I took the mirrors off of my car to reduce drag.
I’ve not looked back since.
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The Top 15 Favorite Movies of Substance Abusers (Part I)
15. Waiting Really, Really Long to Exhale
14. Prescription: Impossible
13. Being Robert Downey, Jr.
12. Cheech and Chong’s “Saving Private Ryan”
11. Bridget Jones’s Darvocet
10. Good Pill Hunting
9. Schindler’s Spliff
8. Look Who’s Toking
7. A Reefer Runs Through It
6. From Busta to Nelly
5. The Road to El Doritos
4. Peyote Ugly
3. Finding Primo
2. Bender Like Belushi
1. Tootski
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2003 by Chris White -
The Top 14 Names for Hip-Hop Drinks
14. Rum DMC
13. Cuervo Gold Tooth
12. MC Hammered
11. Harvey Gangbanger
10. Singapore Bling
9. 2-Pack Liqueur
8. Sloe Gin Fizzizzle Shanizzle
7. Gin and Chronic
6. Old Dirty Plastered
5. R. Kelly’s Sex on the Playground
4. Notorious V.S.O.P.
3. J.Lo Shots
2. Sex on the Beyotch
1. That Pink Sh*t with the Umbrella an’ Sh*t
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2003 by Chris White -
The Top 14 TopFive.com Happy Hour Rules
14. Management reserves the right to beat senseless anyone suggesting we get a karaoke machine.
13. No stirring someone else’s drink with your buffalo wing bones.
12. True happiness only. Satisfaction, beatitude, and gruntlement are not acceptable.
11. Friday drink special: $2 “Sex Out Of Reach” shots.
10. Make sure your Secret Service henchmen hide your empties from Laura.
9. Anyone who’s not happy will be beaten with pool cues until they become happy.
8. When falling off your chair, do not block aisles to the jukebox or restroom.
7. We welcome our NRA and Girl Scout drinking buddies!
6. Strict five-drink limit means somewhere around twelve to fifteen drinks.
5. Absolutely no Sally Struthers.
4. Good bar trick: Tying a knot in a cherry stem using only your tongue.
Bad bar trick: Unzipping your pants using only your tongue.3. Designated drivers drink free all night!
2. Calculating the value of pi on your cocktail napkin beyond thirty-two decimal places won’t leave room to write the phone number of the girl you’re trying to impre— Hey! Where’d she go?
1. Confusing, hard-to-read signs on the restroom doors to be replaced with schematics of appropriate genitalia.
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2001 by Chris White -
The Top 15 Favorite Movies of Substance Abusers (Part II)
15. Lord of the Bongs: The Return of My Buzz
14. There’s Something About Mary Jane
13. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Up
12. Merry Poppers
11. About Schlitz
10. King Bong
9. Giggly
8. S*T*A*S*H
7. Toke-lahoma!
6. Heroin Brockovich
5. Kilo & Snitch
4. The Matrix: Totally Loaded
3. Drool Hand ’Lude
2. Good Buy, Mr. Chips Ahoy!
1. Stingin’ in the VeinThe Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2003 by Chris White -
Sting Operation
Did you hear about the bee who got busted for visiting a prostitute?
It was a sting operation.
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Taking It Harder
My family recently discovered our granddad has a Viagra addiction.
No one is taking it harder than grandma.
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Whoever Smelt It Dealt It
Cop: ur car smells like marijuana
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest
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It’s Not a Problem, It’s a Solution
A scientist and his apprentice are mixing fluids in a beaker.
The scientist adds a final drop to the mixture. The fluid violently shakes, turns a nasty green, and releases a puff of smoke.
The apprentice sees this reaction and asks the scientist if there’s a problem.
The scientist calmly explains that this isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.
