Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Preferred Seating on the Short Bus

    On my resume, should I be bold and include “Proven Methodology of Obtaining and Retaining Preferred Seating on the Short Bus” as an achievement? Or should I just list it with my other superpowers?

  • Alone When Doing Number Two

    The old song says, “One is the loneliest number you could ever do.” I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone when I’m doing number two.

  • Positive Thoughts

    They say if you have positive thoughts about something, it will happen. Well, I’ve been thinking positively about my neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter, but so far, no luck. I think maybe my wife’s negative thoughts are interfering.

  • Jokes About Unemployed People

    I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.

    But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.

  • Drug Dealer vs. Hooker

    What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

  • Stuck Up Cunts

    What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.

    They’re stuck up cunts.

  • How Do You Get a Gay to Fuck a Woman

    How do you get a gay to fuck a woman?

    Shit in her cunt.

  • Carrots Are Good for Your Memory

    Carrots are good for your memory.

    Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.

  • A Blonde Doing a Handstand

    What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?

    A brunette with bad breath!

  • Stephen King Has a Son Named Joe

    Stephen King has a son named Joe.

    I’m not joking, but he is.