Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I Learned Next to Nothing

    I was so bored that I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and I learned next to nothing.

  • Now I’m a Registered Sex Offender

    My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time.

    Now I’m a registered sex offender.

  • They Both Come in Olive Oil

    What does Popeye and a can of sardines have in common?

    They both come in olive oil.

  • It’s Up a Fairway

    A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.

    “I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”

  • Make Hens Meet

    I used to run a dating service for chickens but I had to shut it down.

    I struggled to make hens meet.

  • They’ll Turn on You

    Never trust a doorknob.

    They’ll turn on you.

  • He Wanted to Maintain His Rank

    My father was an officer in the Army but he never showered.

    He wanted to maintain his rank.

  • Jokes About Retired People

    I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

  • A Pirated Copy

    My friend said his favorite Star Wars quote was, “Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father.”

    I think he got a pirated copy.

  • I Have Contacts

    I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.

    He said he didn’t care who I knew.