Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • They’ll Turn on You

    Never trust a doorknob.

    They’ll turn on you.

  • He Wanted to Maintain His Rank

    My father was an officer in the Army but he never showered.

    He wanted to maintain his rank.

  • Jokes About Retired People

    I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

  • A Pirated Copy

    My friend said his favorite Star Wars quote was, “Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father.”

    I think he got a pirated copy.

  • I Have Contacts

    I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.

    He said he didn’t care who I knew.

  • You Guys Have No Life

    What did Earth say to the other planets?

    Wow, you guys have no life.

  • It Was Actually Salsa

    I thought the audience was throwing tomato sauce at the tango dancer, but it was actually salsa.

  • Still Wouldn’t Tell Me Why It Crossed the Road

    I grilled a chicken for two hours…

    Still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.

  • Home in Time for Dinner

    Decided to quit my job and travel the world until I run out of money!

    I should be home in time for dinner.

  • The Lesser of Two Evils

    My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his “better half.”

    I returned the courtesy and introduced my wife as the “lesser of two evils.”