Ever since I got a wheelchair, my wife’s been so rude to me.
Always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Lesbian Bar With No Fire Exits
A guy walks into a bar.
He sits down at the counter and orders himself a beer. As he’s drinking it, he starts looking around the barroom. He sees the tables, the dance floor, the wall pictures, and other typical bar stuff, but something feels a bit off to him about this place. He takes another quick look around at all of the women dancing, chatting, and having a good time. Then it finally dawns on him.
This lesbian bar had no fire exits.
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The Fairy and the 30th Anniversary Wish
A husband and wife were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary at a fancy restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny fairy appeared on their table.
“Because you’ve been such a loving couple for 30 years,” she said, “I will grant each of you one wish.”
The wife went first.
“I wish for a romantic, all-expenses-paid cruise around the world with my wonderful husband.”
Poof!
Two first-class cruise tickets appeared in her hand.
Then it was the husband’s turn.
He thought for a moment, looked at his wife, and said,
“This is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only comes once in a lifetime. I’m sorry, dear, but I wish for a wife who is 30 years younger than me.”
The wife was furious, but a wish is a wish.
The fairy waved her wand.
Poof!
Instantly, the husband turned 90 years old.
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The Easy One
A prostitute says to a guy, “Hey baby, looking for a good time?” The guy asks, “How much?” She says, “$500.” He agrees.
They go back to a hotel room, where he immediately heads for the bathroom.
After waiting for a few minutes she goes to check on him, and finds him furiously jerking off.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asks. “Don’t you want to have sex?”
And the guy says, “For $500, do you think I’m gonna let you get the easy one?”
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The Safari and the Mother-in-Law
Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One night, deep in the jungle, his wife woke up and discovered her mother was missing.
Panicked, she woke Ben and insisted they go look for her.
Ben grabbed his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and headed into the jungle.
Not far from camp, they came upon a clearing and a chilling sight.
The mother-in-law was backed up against a dense bush, while a large male lion stood facing her.
“What are we going to do?” his wife whispered.
“Nothing,” said Ben. “The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it.”
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It Made My Earring
I went to a store where they use explosives to create jewelry.
As I entered there was a loud “bang.” It made my earring.
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A Frayed Knot
A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, “We don’t serve strings.”
The string is annoyed and leaves the bar. Maybe he misheard? He walks back in and orders a drink. “Didn’t you hear? We don’t serve strings!”
Mad as hell, the string walks outside and throws himself angrily on the floor, swaying in every direction and dragging himself around.
He walks back into the bar, where the bartender looks at him, dubious…
“Hey, are you a string?”
“No, I’m a frayed knot!”
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How Many Bars Do You Work At
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you, you’ve had too much already.”
The man sighs, leaves through the front door, walks around the corner, and enters through the side door. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, “Look, buddy, I told you five minutes ago I can’t serve you.”
The man leaves again, walks around the block, and comes in through the back door. He approaches the bar, looks the bartender dead in the eye, and asks for a drink.
The bartender slams his hand on the counter and yells, “I told you, you’re cut off! Get out!”
The man looks at him in utter disbelief and says, “My god, man, just how many bars do you work at?!”
