Joke Type: absurdist

Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • I Can’t Wait to Rub It In

    I have been diagnosed with a rare condition and my doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream medication.

    I can’t wait to rub it in.

  • Which Vowel Is the Most Important

    The other day, a friend and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

    I won.

  • I’ve Come a Long Way

    It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.

    Since then I’ve come a long way.

  • Only Sustained Light Injuries

    I accidentally ran into a lamp post. Thankfully, I only sustained light injuries.

  • More Than Red and Blue Combined

    My least favourite colour is purple.

    I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

  • I Just Don’t See It

    My friend thinks that a woman in camouflage is really sexy.

    I just don’t see it.

  • Up to My Chin Should Do It

    A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”

    So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”

    “Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”

  • Does It Take Time to Develop

    Are people born with a photographic memory?

    Or does it take time to develop?

  • Hoping I Can Pull It Off

    Once again I’ve entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town.

    This year I’m just hoping… that I can pull it off.

  • Digging in Her Heels

    A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”

    “What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”

    And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”