A priest and a nun are playing golf when the priest badly misses his shot, leaving himself blocked by trees and in deep rough.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: bait and switch
Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The Talking Cow and the Carburetor
There was a salesman whose car broke down on a country road. He opened the hood and was looking at the engine trying to figure what was wrong.
All of a sudden he hears a voice say, “It’s the carburetor.”
He looks around and there is only a cow in the area. Looking back at the engine he hears the voice say again, “It’s the carburetor.”
He realizes it’s the cow! He asks the cow to speak again and the cow obliges, “I’ve told you twice it’s the carburetor.”
The salesman runs down the road, finds a farmer and says excitedly, “That cow in the field over there can talk! It was telling me what’s wrong with my car!”
The farmer looks at the salesman and says, “Don’t pay any attention to that cow, it doesn’t know anything about cars.”
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The Talking Dog on the Porch
A traveling salesman breaks down on a country road.
He goes to the only farmhouse he can see. As he’s approaching the porch, a dog sits up and says, “Good afternoon, how are you?”
“Oh my, you can talk!”
“Yeah, I discovered that I could talk when I was a puppy. The government found out about me and trained me to spy for them. Who would think the dog in the room was listening and reporting back what was said? I traveled the world several times over, sometimes helping to stop a war, and sometimes to start one. It was all very exciting but I finally decided to settle down here at this farmhouse and spend my remaining days on this peaceful porch.”
“Wow, that’s amazing!”
The salesman knocks on the door and asks the farmer if he’s interested in selling the dog.
“Sure, I’ll take 10 bucks for him.”
“Why so little, you do know he can talk?”
“Yeah, I know, but he’s a liar. He’s never been off this porch!”
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Every Week You Get New Matches
In other news, there’s a new dating app that caters to arsonists.
Every week you get new matches!
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The Medicare Motel
Old Man: “Doc, we’d like you to watch us… you know… and let us know if we’re doing it right.”
The doctor was puzzled but agreed. When they finished, the doctor was impressed. “Everything looks perfectly fine—in fact, very impressive for people your age!” He charged them a $50 consultation fee.
This went on for months. They’d routinely book an appointment, do their thing, pay the doctor, and leave.
Finally, unable to hold back his curiosity, the doctor asked, “Exactly what kind of sexual dysfunction are you two trying to consult me about?”
The old man smiled widely and replied: “Oh, we don’t have any issues, Doc. She’s married, so we can’t go to her house. I’m married, so we can’t go to mine. A three-star hotel costs $90, a five-star is $120… but here it’s only $50, and I get $43 of it back from Medicare!”
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The Spies and the Firing Squad
A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the Nazis…
Just as the Nazis are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
“Hurricane!”
and all the Nazis run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
“Typhoon!”
and all the Nazis run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The Nazis return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts
“Fire!”
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She’s Left-Handed
A wife asks her husband, a true golf nut, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”
He ponders for a moment, then says, “After a proper grieving period, yes, I suppose I would. Companionship is a good thing.”
“If I died and you remarried,” the wife next asks, “would she then live in this house?”
He pauses to collect his thoughts, and then says, “Well, we’ve spent a lot of time and money getting this house to our exact liking. So yes, I think she would.”
“If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house,” the wife continues, “would she also sleep in our bed?”
Not exactly sure where his wife is going with all of this, he offers, “Well, the bed is nearly new and should last for many more years. Yes, I’m sure she would.”
“If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and slept in our bed,” the wife probes further, “would she use my golf clubs?”
“Oh, no,” the husband replies, far too quickly. “She’s left-handed.”
