I’m dreaming of a white Christmas this year. Not that I like snow, I just hate minority’s.
#WhiteChristmasMatters
Joke Type: dark humor
Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Dreaming of a White Christmas
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Mr Rogers Takes a Stand
Mr Rogers takes a stand against
racial inequality by inviting a black
man to the show (1969) -
Dating a Half Asian Girl
I’m dating a half asian girl
her mom is korean
and her dad is also korean
her legs were ripped off in a car accident -
A Joke That Backfired
It’s amazing how a joke can backfire.
I was in a bar and told the following joke:
“What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.”
Once the laughing of my friends had died down, I became aware of a man on the other side of the bar, crying and talking to the bartender.
The bartender came over to me and told me that the gentleman at the bar had recently lost his son and that my joke had offended him.
I thought I should apologize.
I approached the gentleman and offered my condolences for his loss and my apologies if my joke had offended him. He said that the joke had only got to him because his son was an epileptic, and it was a seizure that killed him.
Ignorant as I am, I wondered how a seizure could actually kill someone. The man said that his son had choked, passed out, and hit his head, and that was what had killed him. I asked where this happened, and the man said it was in the bathtub. I realized then how inappropriate my joke seemed in the moment.
“Did your son choke on his own tongue?” I asked.
“No,” replied the man. “He choked on one of my socks!”
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A Florida Vacation
A man and his wife lived in New York, and it was winter, so they wanted to take a vacation to Florida for some nice weather.
One small hiccup, though: they were unable to take the same plane. So they agreed that the husband would go to Florida first, and the wife would follow the next day.
The man arrived in Florida safe and sound, and he used a hotel computer to email his wife, letting her know he made it. The problem, though, was that he accidentally forgot a letter in the email address, so the email went to the wrong person.
This wrong person happened to be a woman who buried her husband that very day. He was a minister. She decided to check her email in case anyone from her church wanted to send her condolences and words of encouragement. Needless to say, when she saw an email that started, “Dear loving wife,” she fainted. Her son heard her faint from the other room and rushed to his mother’s computer room to check on her. She was okay, but this is the email he found on her computer:
“Dear loving wife,
I have arrived.
I’m sure you’re surprised to be hearing from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I have been checked in. Don’t worry, preparations have already been made for your arrival tomorrow.
I hope your journey here is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. It sure is hot down here.”
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The Scenic Drive
After coming home late, my wife was furious and asked where I was. I told her I was playing poker with my friends.
She refused to talk to me, so I took her out on a long scenic drive.
Her mood eventually improved, and looking out the window, she sighed, “What a beautiful view. I wish we could spend the rest of our lives right here.”
I said, “Well, your wish just came true… because you won’t believe what happened at poker.”
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Fred’s Annual Physical
Fred is eighty years old and has just had his annual physical. His doctor is, as always, very impressed at Fred’s level of fitness. Fred explains:
“Ever since I was young, my faith in God has helped me with the discipline needed to keep at it. As I age, the Lord keeps guiding me in many ways. For instance, when I get up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when I’m done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off.”
After Fred leaves, the doctor is a little concerned about what may be a hallucination, so he calls Fred’s wife.
“Fred is in great shape as always, but he said one thing that concerned me. He said when he gets up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when he’s done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off. Do you know what that means?”
“Yes, it means he’s pissing in the fridge again!”
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The Difference Between a Dead Baby and a Trampoline
What is the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
I don’t wear shoes when jumping on a trampoline.
