One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A husband cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear: “Could we make love, please dear?”
“Not tonight, darling, I’ve got a splitting headache,” she replied.
“Please, I’ll only stick it in for a minute,” pleaded her husband.
His wife retorted: “What do you think I am, a fuckin’ microwave?”
When my wife said we were breaking up, I thought she was referring to a bad cell phone connection. Now I’m not so sure, since she hasn’t come home in three weeks — and we don’t have a cell phone.
I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?
I’ve been thinking of starting a magazine called “Huh?” for people suffering permanent memory loss. To save money, I could just publish the same issue every month.
If loving you is wrong, then baby, it goes a long way towards explaining the concussion and crushed left testicle.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there’s safety in numb bears.
Why don’t lesbians ever get their pizza delivered? They prefer to eat out.
I haven’t been allowed back on a cruise ship ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding.
