I got a new universal remote last week and let me tell you, this thing changes everything.
Joke Type: one-liner
One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Two No Shows But I Had Fun
I had my first threesome tonight.
There were two no shows but I had fun.
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At the Finnish Line
Where did the Helsinki marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
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Right Up There
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!
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The Last Thing You Want to Hear
When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.
Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.
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A Solid 10 But Also Imaginary
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
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I Learned Next to Nothing
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and I learned next to nothing.
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It’s Hard to Say
I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.
She asked what’s so special about it.
“It’s hard to say,” I answered.
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Not Enough Because I Have to Go Back Tomorrow
I just asked my son what he learned today at school, and he told me, “Not enough, because I have to go back tomorrow.”
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Now I’m a Registered Sex Offender
My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time.
Now I’m a registered sex offender.
