Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • No Internet in the Confession Box

    A man enters a confession box at late night.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Father, I’ve sinned. I watch pornography 12 hours a day.”

    The priest asks, “12 hours? How is that even possible?”

    The man says, “Easy. Four hours in the morning, four in the evening, four at night.”

    The priest asks, “Did you watch 12 hours today too?”

    The man replies, “No, only 11 hours and 55 minutes.”

    The priest asks, “Why is that?”

    The man replies, “Because there is no Internet in the confession box.”

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  • They Both Come in Olive Oil

    What does Popeye and a can of sardines have in common?

    They both come in olive oil.

  • It’s Up a Fairway

    A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.

    “I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”

  • Make Hens Meet

    I used to run a dating service for chickens but I had to shut it down.

    I struggled to make hens meet.

  • They’ll Turn on You

    Never trust a doorknob.

    They’ll turn on you.

  • He Wanted to Maintain His Rank

    My father was an officer in the Army but he never showered.

    He wanted to maintain his rank.

  • The Jumbo Sausage

    I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

    He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”

    I said, “In that case, can I have two?”

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  • Jokes About Retired People

    I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

  • The Blonde and the River

    A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.

    She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”

    The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”

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  • I Have Contacts

    I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.

    He said he didn’t care who I knew.